A showering of blue, a lounge of white,
An escape from reality, a shimmering night,
Music on the run, hands hammering the drum,
A heady cocktail of coconut and dark rum.
A stroke of inspiration, a splash of strawberry
Flavored sugar rim instead of salt, hinting of cherry.
Intoxication in the air, hiding behind what I can see,
Is it the drink mixed with you, or is it just me?
I waited in the rain
I ignored the pain
I waited for you
To drive me insane
When being happy requires an effort
Happiness itself becomes a topic of mirth.
And sometimes I pretend
I dont care what you say
For if I admitted I did
I would also want to have my way.
And I remember, when I was Twenty
The sun actually shined and breathing was free
When your eyes are not looking at me,
I kiss you from far, because you can’t see
Reserve the touch for only my memory
Creating no bonds, leaving both of us free.
If I could go back in time,
And change one thing that I did,
I would probably just fearlessly
Say everything that I ever hid
So we still have our layered conversations.
Two at a time.
Thought as prose,
Masked as a rhyme.
Separated by distance, you read my words,
And you wonder what do I want to say,
Let me assure you, even if you were near,
You would still be left wondering all day.
Sometimes you just dissipate and simply fade away
‘Just thinking something else’ is all you say,
Sometimes you are just increasingly dense,
And when asked, you just call yourself intense.
Around me, yet I can’t touch, you are still but wisps of smoke
Smoldering away inside you and me, the ashes of our love choke.
O’ Stranger, it’s so easy to open up everything to you
I can pour my heart and not care about being judged too
Is it that you can’t decide what’s good for you
When you want it and don’t want it too.
He convinced himself
she would never reply
Probably read his mail
and close it with a sigh.
So he went and pretended
to squander his heart
In their masked charades
he played his part
Pretending love was
always an easy game
The lines to be used
were always the same
But somewhere deep
he hid her image
Fading neither with time
nor with age
Believing someday
he would meet her again
Feel her warmth
after years of cold wet rain
I am cranky and in this silly lyrical mood
Maybe coz I am hungry and have no food
O.k. that was the worst rhyme ever
And I thought I could write something clever.
If you don’t like it, close the page dude!
And I really wished I could fade into the background,
A world, impervious to light and devoid of sound
Oh! Don’t worry, I am not depressed and all,
Was just snoozing in a corner of the conference hall
When the speaker called on me, and snoring I was found
And some come along to undo what you have defined
While others just come along to simply fuck up your mind.
Sometimes it’s important to know
What to hide and what to confess
And sometimes we unknowingly swap
Confessions and secrets to make a mess
He wrote and posted for his own sake,
An identity, neither true nor a fake
An aching episode in a masked story
An ideal proclaimed in its own glory
He wrote with his own unknown intention
Neither for memory nor anyone’s retention
Composed on his own individual belief
Sometimes just as a break or relief
Sometimes just his own little point of view
An idea that spurted in his mind and grew
Based in his own thoughts and situations
Open to everyone’s subjective interpretations
Now if she read it and she thought
That to tell her something, he actually sought
Without him asking her to read it
She read and identified, because it nicely fit
With what she wanted. Drew her own conclusions
Decided to live under her own delusions
Went ahead and altered her life
Caused some heartache and no less strife
And he stopped writing, went about feeling guilty
I ask you, is it his responsibility?
And that left him with a bitter taste
Feeling that posting on the net, was a waste
On ambiguous posts like the one you are reading, there should be a block.
No one should be allowed to generally blog
About things that can be interpreted in another way
Only things that are specific should be allowed to say
A post open to meanings is a dangerous game
What was written and understood may not be the same
And in that exactly is what I see the mystery
Of different imaginations coloring history
In their own different worlds they fit the word
And for once, each one thinks for his own and not as a herd
And there goes on this pro-and-against blog fight
And while it goes on, on this blog, I will anyways write
Though they knew and believed he was right,
Not one of them dared to take up the fight
And all they did was lay their ideals to rest,
For what they thought, under pressure, was best.
God definitely was mighty drunk and full of glee,
In that crazy moment, when he decided to make me.
And surely a hangover must have been pissing him off too,
When irritably, and cursing loudly, he had to make you.
He lived his life as a singular whole
Complete in his spirit, soul and mind
Then he scattered himself in her fragments
Only to lose what he thought he would find.
And she lived her life in the shadows,
hidden from the light.
Saying and trying to feel,
what was deemed to be right.
And when the real dark descended,
on her on the last night.
She left without knowing,
the vision hidden in her own sight.
And sometimes we make a big deal
Of climbing our way up there
Only to realize all that effort
Was actually for going nowhere.
And sometimes I was the wheel
That drove you along the road
And sometimes I was the lever
That helped you to cope with the load
And sometimes I was the mint with the hole
That freshened your life everyday
And you called me your sweet doughnut
When all the bitterness, I took away.
And I was your CD that sang your song,
Be it the blues, jazz or rock n roll
And in all those times I never realized,
That you could leave me with a hole in my soul.
And while you hide my flaws,
Will you also hide my tears,
Its only for a little while that I need your help,
Just until I drown in the beers.
And sometimes when all the effort we put in was closing our eyes,
And blindly, not thinking, we went choosing
On which parameter did we measure our success or loss,
When we played no part in winning or losing
Am I the one who has loved
With the passion of a raging fire
Or am I the one who said ‘I love you’
And in same breath called myself a liar
Am I the one who has written
Glorious lyrics that a few have ever seen
Or am I the one who fit the description of
‘The worst poet’ that most think, has ever been
Am I the one who has laughed in the sun
And felt that ecstasy that runs so rare
Or am I the one who flitted for months
Among foggy clouds of my own despair
Am I the wanderer that I claim to be,
The traveler of all the world’s market squares
Or am I the one who enjoys the solitude
Of lying buried in my own library’s lair
Am I the one who loved them all
And am I the one, her soul who shared
Or am I the one who fought her own battles
And along the way never really cared
Am I the one who worked for a cause
Am I the one who walked with a dream
Or am I the one who drifted in time
Belonged to no man, no woman and no realm
And then sometimes I stop the watch
And I lazily compose such a rhyme
Knowing I will not answer the question, I still ask,
Who am I this time?
And sometimes we try to find the rainbow in our sky,
And forget to see the riot of colors that stains
The very ground on which our feet lie
Dear Parachute,
We are same, you and I,
All packed up and ready to fly,
Just need that one, willing to try,
To open our wings and take us high
I look into your eyes
And I want to love
But guess I am struggling
To gather the nerve
When I do things not from my heart
But because they are easy
Am I cheating someone else?
Or am I lying to me?
On second thoughts,
Is knowing this and still doing,
The same as self-lying?
She lived her life in compartments
Always fragmented – never a whole
and when the devil came to take her
He never knew, which was her soul
White Skirt. Fits Perfect. Great. Red or Turquoise top?
White or black bag? Which to pick? Which to drop?
A little bit of foundation. On the neck. To hide the bite.
A dash of kohl and the eyes are smouldering just right.
New lipstick. Kept for the occasion. For this evening.
For all she knows, this is the end or the beginning.
Strap up the black shoes. Tightly up on the calf.
A practiced wink, a shy smile, a charming laugh.
A long look at the mirror. A promise of an evening.
Deep inside, like times before, she hears her soul sing.
Take the digicam. Timer set in seconds. Ummm. Five.
She strikes a pose. Vibrant. Vivacious. Alive.
Click. The picture is taken. Hmm. Nice as always.
Though could have had more light on the face.
Compose an email. Attached picture. As always, she is elaborate.
Writes “That’s what he clicked. Just before we left for the date.
He was bowled over. Totally. Could not stop gushing.
With everything he said, I could not help furiously blushing.”
Click on ‘Send’. Done. Her lovely perfect evening.
She will read their response tomorrow morning.
Slowly she caresses her feet and unties the lace.
Puts the strappy black shoes back in their place.
The skirt is hung back in the closet. No wrinkles. Right side.
The Red top in the laundry bag. The empty bag is flung aside.
The kohl and lipstick come off. She stares at her naked face.
She fingers her neck. The non-existent bite. Her only saving grace.
Back in her shorts and sleepy t-shirt, she gifts herself a sardonic smile.
A derisive shudder to herself. Falling asleep today will take a while.
And she wondered if it was her face that tainted the mirror or the mirror that tainted her face
Had they won the run, or had she lost the race.
They said believing was the solution,
And that it was all about one resolution,
But to me, it was not about anything else
As much as it was about absolution.
There are those who trip on Rolled Leaves
A few who drown themselves in Alcohol
and some turn a dozen Cigarettes to ash,
While I go and just pop in a new Fukitol
You know that life’s got a sense of humour,
and on you, its played its own funny game,
when you realise your biggest dream and
your worst nightmare turned out to be the same.
A longing for his dreams, in her eyes
In his open sky, her desire flies,
A scarred wish, in their silent sighs,
In the violent struggle, their resistance dies.
And I live believing my life is me and what is mine,
Though just sometimes I concede.
Willingly or unwillingly ,
I bask in the glory of your eternal sunshine.
And I fight to cement my beliefs that falter,
But you just don’t let me succeed.
Unwillingly or willingly,
To fit your mould, my soul I alter.
A wasted life in which memories flood,
Bonds were formed, thicker than blood.
Buried now, perhaps under dunes of sand
But still running in the veins of my hand
The touch is still, at the end of my finger,
Sometimes it floats by, while I linger,
A glance that was caught and thrown around,
The waves that were lost and then found.
A cryptic message in a verse was made
A silent prayer at your altar was laid.
There was a time when you would have
Lovingly composed poetry in a letter
Now you just type a rhyming email
Never wonder if its for the verse or better
A glimpse of the future in his eyes.
In the scorching fire, his desire lies.
A wistful glance, some silent sighs.
In his liquid gaze, her resistance dies.A guarded smile in her eyes
Caged in her fears, her desire lies
Her stolen moments in lonely sighs
In her untold secrets, his resistance dies.
I tried to hide
I could not abide,
I could not stop,
Crossing over to the other side.
You never realised you lied
You thought you cried
You could not wait
To cross over to the other side.
This goes out to a very special girl called M.
You were there, through everything I learnt,
You stood by me, when the fires burnt,
With me you shared your life, unasked,
Gave me a chance to talk unmasked,
Taught me to believe it’s all right to have dreams
Showed me that life is lovelier than it seems,
And when I left, you shed a tear,
I too missed not having you near,
So many secrets that were left unsaid,
And I wondered where those words would have led.
So much of you, that was still to be shared,
So much of me, that was still to be bared.
And I wondered what was the ‘Reason’
I knew it surely wasn’t a ‘Season’
And you miss me more as days go by,
And I sometimes wonder, about the ‘Why?’
Why am I not, where I belong,
Why do I sit, and write this song?
But I don’t worry and I don’t fret,
I am just gladly fortunate that we met.
Thanks for touching my life the way you did M.
I can show me as you want you to see
And I can be just what you want me to be
But maybe then, just maybe,
You will know someone who is not me.
And the raindrops that clung, glistened in the sun,
While the others were washed away,
To lose themselves and flow along, as the river run.
In response to Shreyasi’s Once more…
Dont ask how many times did the wheel revolve – many or few
Ask where did those revolutions take you.
Don’t make resolutions you cannot keep,
Don’t make promises that can make you weep.
No more knocks and no more breaks
Don’t mean there will be no more wrecks.
Perhaps its not the last time. Perhaps.
You asked me if I was scared of Darkness.
You laughed aloud when I said ‘Yes’.
You never asked why; you brushed it aside,
Wondered not, if darkness to me was outside or inside.
We said “from now there is only You and Me”
And then we came back to being “We”
We thought nothing’s lost,
We felt we only got,
Never realised, we gave up being free.
What is that she searches for?
What is it that she finds?
In an open field for her to see
Or is it behind closed blinds?
I saw you smiling when you walked by
You didn’t know, that you caught my eye
If I ask you, I know you will lie
Dying to tell, but just simply deny.
If you and I were so meant to be,
then why is it so difficult for me to see?
I looked into your eyes, I gave you a chance,
You looked away; mistook it for a fleeting glance.
I waited for a while, as you looked the other way,
Maybe you would see, what I didn’t say.
Finally when I turned, I saw eyes that held my gaze,
And its didn’t hurt that, it wasn’t your face.
I don’t need you and you don’t need me.
And that’s the only reason, there exists a “we”.
Clinking glasses, sparkling wine
Stars in the sky, the evening is mine.
The waters glistening in the creek,
Still something amiss, something more that I seek.
The warmth of your touch, the glow in your eyes,
Makes me want to believe the lies.
Comprehension sometimes makes me weep.
And sometimes I just call it ‘deep’
Too many demons of my own
Keep trying to fight them alone
And they kill me sometimes
But each time I wake up to another dawn
And then I am reborn
Dinners have been ‘a croissant and a juice’
Staring at the mirror through the blues
Trying to sleep with the lights on
Waiting listlessly long hours for dawn
Solitary walks down busy shiny roads
Shivering alone, surrounded by hordes
Trying to be convinced by my own lies
Wondering if I should have said the goodbyes.
Once again, its that time of the year,
Revv yourself up into fun’s fifth gear,
get your hats and whistles for the party
time to let yourself lose your sanity
A week to go, to grab the chance
Go ahead and prepare for the dance,
Gifts to buy and decorate them too,
and if I like them, I might thank you too.
Maybe get drunk and get high,
Celebrate with me once before I fly
Gorge on the cake and sing away
You are invited to celebrate someonearbit’s birthday.
(Vanity is a gift I have decided to give myself this february. So stop smirking)
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