Why someone arbit learned to drive

January 17, 2007

Trigger moments. Trigger Factors. Trigger Actions.
Those moments or things that set you off on a course of action.
Those times that set the ball rolling.

This incident is one of those funny ones in life that will get me laughing whenever I think about it. Also the one incident which finally triggered me off into doing something that I have been postponing since years – learn driving.

Imagine this.
Heavy peak hour traffic at nine a.m. Somewhere near the city centre, at the busy intersection of two flyovers. Bumper to Bumper. Everyone including us is driving at 2 km/hr or slower.
Such a time, where anyone stopping their car can lead to a huge pile up behind them.

He is driving. I am having a jolly good time in the passenger seat, when I see the traffic Cop 3. Reminds me that he is driving without a license.

Me: hey did you get your license back?
He: Not yet.

(He is right now driving on a ticket given to him by Cop 2 who fined him for talking on the cell phone and asked for his license. Our man, did not have his license because it was already with some Cop 1 who had confiscated it. (No prizes for guessing why! Of course for talking on the cell phone while driving (some people never learn!)
So Cop 2 promptly, took our man’s original ticket 1 and issued him ticket 2 which is currently serving as the license)

Me: (One eyebrow up) Don’t think you should?
He: (carelessly) Yes yes, I should…I just don’t have the time.
Me: (with as sarcastic a tone as I could muster) – Then I think we should wear our seat belts now no? Else you might just be issued ticket 3 by Cop 3 on your ticket 2.
He: (With the air of a man who knows everything that can happen and not happen in this world) Pagal hai kya?Kidhar rokega? Usko life main time hai kya?Jagah hai kya?

The Next second after these golden words are uttered…

Splat!!!! The car halts.

He: Oh Fuck!
Me: What????
He: (Shouting) The car has stopped. We are fucked!
Me: (Dying to laugh at the irony in the last three sets of words uttered by him) Are you sure?

Our man is galvanized into action. Jumps out of the car, Expertly diverts traffic around the car and gets Cop 3 (the same one, who we were eyeing) to help him push the car to the side.

He: (Urgently) Can you steer?
Me: (Incredulously) I what???
He: (Patiently) The Car. Can you steer the car??
Me: (Even more Incredulously) I have never touched the steering wheel!
He: (Even more patiently!) Doesn’t matter. Just move as we instruct.
Me: (Hopelessly) OK.

He goes behind the car to push the car. Mr Cop 3 stands at the window next to the driver’s seat to push

Cop 3 (Urgently) Lift the handbrake.
Me: (Stupidly) Eh? Where is the handbrake?
Cop 3: (Frowning) There. That is called hand break! Usko neeche karo!
Me: (Feeling slightly stupid). Ok…. Done.
Cop 3: (Shouting) Ok press the clutch!
Me: (Feeling more stupid). Which one is the clutch?
Cop 3: (Thoroughly irritated) That one – on the left! Press it quickly!
Me: (Flabbergasted) Ok Ok….

And they push the car to the side of the road where it is free of traffic.

Cop 3: Now press the brake.
Me: (Shamefaced) Sorry but I don’t know which one is the brake!
Cop 3: (With a mixture of pity and irritation on his sweating brow) – Madam…who wahan pe..doosra wala. Usko dabao.
Me: Ok…

And the car stops.

What happened later is everyone’s guess…. We got the mechanics to take the vehicle and continued on our way to work.

That same evening I went and enrolled for my driving class.

Yes..in case you are wondering if I know where the handbrake is, I do. I also can incidentally distinguish between the brake, accelerator and the clutch. And the different gears! Talk about small mercies…

…What? Oh yes, I got my license.

…And him? No clue… will ask and tell you if its still with the cops!



  1. sweetie… u really shuldnt give out such secrets to the world 😛
    isnt it enuf tht i make fun of u?

  2. * You who refuses to trust me with his life in his car… has no right to comment on my driving skills ( or the lack of them!)
    Since its no longer a secret… it makes for an amusing post.;)

  3. hahahaha…. lol…..

    PS- i got my driving license

  4. * He: Congratulations to you my friend.We shall celebrate

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