Identity Crisis

Having a complicated name can land you in funny situations. And with an Identity Crisis mostly.

Someone in my team is called Delzad Billimoria. D-E-L-Z-A-D. Pronounced just like that – D-E-L-Z-A-D.

But through his life he has been called by about twenty-eight different names.
For the first month after he joined my team, I used to call him Delnaz. (err…that’s a girls name). He very patiently even used to answer me. Once when I quizzed him about it, he said it didn’t bother him anymore.
“Anymore???” I asked.
“Yeah”, he said.”I have been called Delnaz all my life. I am used to it.”

Once someone stood at the other end of office and called him very loudly “DILSHAAD!!”
We of course burst out laughin.

For the first one month, T used to say “Can you please call him”. Then I would ask Delzad to speak to T. That’s because she was never sure what his name was!

Once he received a parcel in the courier addressed to “DILBAAZ BILLYMORIYA.”

The icing on the cake was the following episode.
The first time Delzad and his new client were speaking on the phone and Delzad started by saying “Hi. I am Delzad from ACNielsen”. Then they went on to discuss some project for about twenty minutes.
After they hung up, Delzad sms-ed his cell number to the client. He ended the sms with “Delzad”. In a few minutes he got a call from the same client. The conversation that followed had us laughing continuously for the next two days.

C (hurriedly): hi. Who is this?
D (Calmly): Its me. Delzad.
C (Impatiently): Who Delzad?
D (Calmly): We just spoke.
C (Impatiently): No we didn’t!
D (Calmly): Yes we did. For twenty minutes. We just discussed the xyz project.
C: (Incredulously). I discussed it with someone. But it was not you.
D: (Calmly): Yes it was me! DELZAD from ACNIELSEN?
C: (Sheepishly): Oh! Your name is Delzad? I thought it was NELSON.

Some identity crisis this is!

You look quite similar

“Arre tujhe vahan pe in sab chinkiyon ke beech distinguish karne hota hai kya? I can never tell two of them apart. They all look the same!”

This was the most heard comment (or “observation” if you want to call it that!), when I announced that I was scheduled to fly off to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia for a five-day training. I was also going to extend the stay into a holiday in Malaysia, Singapore and Indonesia.

Hmm… I ruminated over the statement. “That’s quiet a racist comment to make. I mean I am sure all those east Asian fair skinned, thin, straight black haired, eyes-like-tiny-slits people can distinguish their own selves form the others. And hey, its just a matter of time till I am able to confidently say “Hey YOU are not the one I sat next to for yesterday’s class!” without wondering if I was actually confident.”

Anyways, so there I was, attending a class with 2 other Indian women, one Sri Lankan guy and about 43 fair skinned, thin, straight black haired, eyes-like-tiny-slits people.
Third day, a few of the class decide to go out for dinner. I agreed to go along. Five minutes at the dinner table and the fair skinned, thin, straight black haired, eyes-like-tiny-slits girl sitting next to me asked, “Hey how did it go?”

I blinked twice, struggling to remember if I had an earlier conversation with any of them talking about something that I was gonna do or that was gonna happen to me or something terribly important that was gonna happen in my life. To make matters worse, I wasn’t even sure that I would have had it with her.

When eventually after what felt like years of struggling, I decided that no I hadn’t. So I said “I am so sorry but I have no idea what you are talking about. How did ‘what’ go?

Now it was her turn to blink back at me with those tiny eyes – stare for two minutes and say the words that almost choked me.
“Oh…sorry. It wasn’t you. Guess it was your friend. The two of you look so similar that I can’t tell the difference!”